Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize