you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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