Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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