the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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