i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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