she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
