So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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