either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
