i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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