I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You made out with two different species that night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
