i jhust puked up my retainher.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
