I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
