last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
