Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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