And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
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Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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