oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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