Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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