I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
