just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
