just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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