I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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