Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
