i wish semen tasted like chocolate
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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