Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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