I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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