Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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