Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
