Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
