she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
