I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
