Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
