He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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