you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
