can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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