my vag is so smooth its legendary
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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