Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
