My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Randomize
