What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
