but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
