when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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