Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
