So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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