I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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