You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
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What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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