So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
