It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
