Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
