i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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