Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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