wrigley field is MILF paradise
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we should paint friendship bongs
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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