the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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