This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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