He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
