You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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