The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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