What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
