if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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