What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
