happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
