I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Buhtt sex?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
