ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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