There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize