I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
