Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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