What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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