As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
