I hate all girls vehemently.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
