Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
