Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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